Pregnant AGAIN!!!

Well I think the title says it all. But yes, its official I am 7 weeks pregnant as of July 26th. It came as quite a shock to the both of us when we saw the first positive pregnancy test. Then the more we thought about it the more and more excited we have become. Not sure how little Micah will take a new baby, but he will almost be 2 by then so hopefully it will be easier for him. We are both hoping for a girl, but would be just as happy with another little man running around. And I do mean running because that is pretty much what Micah is doing these days. He has grown up so much that I can't even imagine how big he will be when this new little bundle of joy comes. I, personally am a little nervous but I am not sure why. I feel at peace too though because I know that God will take care of this baby because he is the one who has blessed us with him or her. Just wanted to quickly update you on what is happening, hoping to get on here and blog more. Love sharing my life with others if it will help someone along the way and if it doesnt then oh well, I am sure someone will smile along the way. And that is good enough for me! Blessings everyone!

New Life

So finally have the time to sit down and blog about our new place and life so far. It will be short and sweet cause Micah is due to wake up from his nap soon. We have only been here for about a week, so there isnt too much to tell. I can definitely tell you that I miss my family, I didnt think it would be this hard, but I can definitely feel the pull. But I know that this is where we are meant to be, everything is going great and falling into place. I know that God has his hand in it and that gives me all the comfort I need! Our new home is gorgeous and the community is gorgeous as well. The families here are so welcoming and loving that we are already making many strong bonds! Micah I think is the only one having a hard time adjusting. He finally slept all night last night for the first time since we got here. So is adjusting just slowly! But I just wanted to take the time to thank everyone back home in Ohio for all your support and understanding through all of this. I love you and miss you all. Thank you for the well needed prayers!

Big Move!!

So we finally made the decision to make the big move to Texas! Now hopefully it was the right one, the more I think about it the more I know God has his hand in it. I know this because only he could make something so crazy and wonderful happen so quickly and so easily. Nervous does not even begin to describe how I am feeling as we are counting down the days till we leave. We are leaving in 3, make that 2 days. I am nervous, scared, and super excited all at the same time. We went ahead of time and saw where we will be living and it all seems too good to be true and maybe that is where the nervousness comes in, but I know that God will take care of us no matter where we go. Just spending the time that we did with those kids in Texas, I knew this was what HE had planned for us all along. Which is another reason why I can say yes to making such a huge move. Not only a huge move in distance but a huge spiritual move as well.

I have lived in Ohio my whole life and have never been away from my family or friends for more than like a week at a time. I know that this move will be hard on me and them, but I know that this is where Brian, Micah and I are supposed to be. Atleast for now, who knows where we will be in a few years, but I know in my heart that this is a God thing! I love my family and I am not sure how I will do with them being so far away but I know that if I need them, they are just a phone call away and that gives me comfort! I will have the two most important people with me and as ALWAYS I will have God right by my side through it all, so I know we will be just fine!

I am hoping that we will get down there and be so busy that I wont even notice how far away we are from everyone, but I know that would also be too good to be true! lol! But I am so excited and hopeful for this new job and experience that it has overcome any nervousness or being scared that I have. The community and enviroment at Sunny Glen is so loving and I just felt a sort of belonging when we got there. I hated to even think about leaving, but I had to get back to my little one. And that is a completely different story. Never again will I leave Micah for more than a day at a time. But anyways, I just thought I would give an update on our lives, I am hoping that I will be able to keep you updated as much as possible. Please pray for us as we make this move to Texas and pray for the strength to get settled quickly and problemless.

Another Sleepless Night

Another sleepless night. So what to do? Well usually on nights like this is when I get to do my blogging. I usually cant sleep like this when I have a lot of things on my mind. Before I go any further, let me fill you in on my relationship with my mom. We used to be really close, I could talk to her about anything. Then about two years ago her and my dad got a divorce. Shortly after they split up she started drinking heavily every night, which puts alot of extra stress on our family. Because now not only do we have to worry about her taking care of herself, we have to wonder if she will be in her right mind when we call her or not. Normally when she calls me anytime after 5:00 I do not answer my phone because it hurts me to know that it is that early in the evening and she is already had too much to drink. So I avoid her and when I do talk to her I try to say things about the drinking but she doesnt get it I guess. I received a text message from my mom today asking me for a favor. I was not really ready for what she had to tell me





Well today when she texted me for a favor, I responded like normal and asked her what she needed. She tells me that she went to the doctor today and she has to go and get some testing done on Thursday. She tells me that she needs a ride there and that is all. So I ask her what kind of testing she has to get done. Well I knew the answer that was coming, I just thought maybe if I hoped enough it wouldnt be what she was about to tell me. She says to me that she had a checkup today and the irregular cells that went away last year on her ovaries are back. They have to go in and do an ultra sound and other testing to be sure that it is or isnt cancer. I had this gut feeling when she texted me that something was wrong. And ever since she texted me I have wanted to call her and talk to her. But you know what, I couldn't do that because I knew that she had been drinking and she wouldn't have remembered the conversation anyways. I havent been able to get her out of my head ever since I talked to her today.



I want to go with her to be there for her, but I just don't know if I can go through the cancer things again. Part of me wonders if she is sick, will she wake up and realize how precious life is and that she doesnt need that alcohol to fill that void? But then part of me thinks it will lead her to drink more. So I am really scared that the second one will happen and she will end up drinking her life away. She keeps telling me that she misses me and she wants to see Micah, but I tell her that I am too busy to come and see her. Now I wish that all of those times she asked me to come and see her that I would have. It's just hard when she is with someone I don't really think helps her drinking problem. In fact, I think he makes it worse, but she doesnt believe me when I tell her that. I guess this little problem has made me wake up and realize that she wont be here forever, none of us will. And that I need to spend as much time with her as I can while she is here. We don't know if it is cancer or not but I have this gut wrenching feeling that it is something bad. I pray that it is not because I don't think her body is strong enough to fight it on its own. She used to believe in God, but now I don't know what she believes. I didn't realize how I was taking life so much for granted until today.



Its so easy to get caught up in your own life and take your family for granted just because they are there. I don't have the best relationship with my mom anymore, but I still love her just as much as I did when she was with my dad. I think that she needs a wake up call and maybe this is God's way of giving it to her.......even if it is not cancer, I know that right now she is scared and she needs someone to be there for her. I think that she wants that person to be me and I just don't know if I can be. Well I do know that with God in my heart and by my side I can be that strong person that she wants me to be......or I can at least try. I know that he will take care of me no matter where this goes. I just wish that my mom had that peace in her life, I am fully relying on God to bring me and my family through this hard spot. I am praying that he will use me to show my mom she can fill that empty spot with God's love and not alcohol and how much better her life will be that way. That she can wake up every morning and look forward to the day and to tomorrow.



I have made the decision that I will take her to the appointments just so that I can be there for her. I don't want her to go by herself, she is not strong enough to do this on her own. I know that and I think she does to and that is why she asked me to take her. I think she thinks she will go and everything will be ok again. But I am not sure that things will go as easily this time. I hope so much that evrything will work out. So I am going to be doing a whole lot of praying that morning before I go so that I can be strong for her. I know that with God with me, I will be at peace with whatever we find out that day. Good or bad, I know that he will take care of me and my family. Brian and I both put God first in our lives and in our marriage because we know that if we didn't we would not be where we are today. Praying for all the lost including my own family and myself! I feel lost sometimes and then I look to him and he reassures me that all will work out in the end the way that he intends it to.

Embracing Life

Adorable, isn't he? He's 3 months old in this picture. It feels like yesterday he was just born. He has grown so much so fast. He is starting into the stage where he recognizes Brian and I. When he sees or hears us you will see him start to look around the room and smile as soon as he sees us. It's amazing how their little minds work at this age. Micah amazes me everyday by how much he does. He cooes and cooes at us and tries to talk and it's the coolest thing. I always thought it was neat how they try to communicate with adults when it was someone else's kids. But to watch and listen to little Micah try to do it, it just makes it so much more awesome.

Up until this past week, I felt so helpless when it came to Micah, I felt like I was missing everything. Then I was reading my daily devotional and God sent me a sign. Something that told me I needed to start putting my faith in him. I needed to really start relying on him like I always say that I do. I think deep down we all say we put all of our faith in him but we always keep something of our own to ourselves. Something that we think we can control but we just end of messing it up. That is what I was doing and when I was reading his word something shook me up enough to make me realize it. I wasnt putting God or my family first, I was too worried about trying to pay the bills and make ends meet.

That day was when I decided I was going to put myself back on track. I needed to put all my faith in him and not just some of it. So with Brian going through work conditioning and me working all the time, we had no one to watch little Micah. So we made the decision for me to cut back to Part-Time while Brian is trying to get back to work. So now I get to spend a majority of everyday with my family and I love it. I get to have my time with God and have my time with them. I actually get to see little Micah grow and learn new things. And I am learning to put ALL my faith and ALL my life in God. He is the only one worth putting everything on the line. He put everything he had on the line for me, so why shouldn't I do the same for him?

Hard To Admit

I don't know why but something is telling me to post a blog. I am not sure if it's because writing things out (my thoughts) helps me to feel better or what. Today more so than other days I have been thinking alot about how my relationship with God has been slowed almost to a point where I am no longer moving in the direction that I need to be. I am not really moving at all, I can sit here all day and make as many excuses as I want to say why I have let this happen. But the truth is, is that there is no excuse at all that is good enough to for me to blame on anyone else. With our little one here in our lives now I realize that I really do need to get myself back in order before I can start showing him how to live his life. I feel like I have stopped moving spiritually and I know that this is not a good thing.

For those of you who don't know I am in charge of Hopeland at our church. I love working with the kids at the church and love interacting with all of my volunteers. My volunteers are the best and they are always willing to be there even if it's last minute. But like I said before I think that I have stopped moving spiritually. I found that the busier Hopeland got the less I got to go to the actual services at the church. But I have also let myself down when I am not at the church. I have not held myself accountable with reading and studying God's word. I think this is why I am struggling wtih somethings in my life. Don't get me wrong, my life is great. I have a wonderful and loving husband, a handsome little son and a great family who loves me. Not to mention an amazing God who loves me no matter what I do wrong. But I think that is my problem, I take advantage of the whole he loves me no matter what I do. I think to myself sometimes, what do I do to deserve this wonderful love he gives me daily. Why am I not doing the things he wants me to do?

I know the answers to my questions, but for some reason it has taken me till today to realize that I need to get myself back on track. I have decided to step out of my lead position in Hopeland and focus on my family and my personal relationship with God. I think this is something that I really need to do to get myself back into the swing of things as some would say. I may need some help from my family and friends but I know that they will be there with all the support that I need. But most of all I just need to focus completely on God and all the wonderful things that he does for me. I praise him for the life that I have now and pray that he gives me the strength to get through this whole transition. I know that it will be hard to get myself moving forward again but I know that it will be worth it in the end.

Random Thoughts

Sleeping like an angel, atleast for now is what everyone has been telling me. I never would have thought in my whole life that I could feel so much love for someone I just met. That is until I met this little guy! He has been a true blessing to my husband and I and I am not sure that we knew what was really in store for us. I know that I wasn't ready for him to show up 2 weeks early, he was already acting like his dad.....pulling a fast one over on me by coming into the world 2 weeks early. :) So anyways, I thought that my husband and I had a close bond before we had Micah. But since he has come into the world, things have been so different. It's this unspoken bond almost. He has brought us closer than ever. I think that this was God intention when he blessed us with Micah. We weren't struggling or anything with our marriage, but we certainly didn't expect to get pregnant either. As soon as we put God as the center of our marriage, that is when he showed us that miracles to happen. And here we are with little Micah.

I sit here today and think of the sacrafice that God made for us, he gave his only son. Now having a son puts a whole new meaning on what he did for me and my sins. Talking to someone the other day about this subject got me thinking. Would I be willing to give up my son? Would you? To think to myself that I would have to let my little one die for someone elses sins, I always said well sure I would. But that was before we had Micah, now when I ask myself that question I find myself hesitating to answer it. Then I think to myself, God never hesitated, he just did what needed to be done. Jesus also knew what he had to do and he willing gave his life for us, do we take advantage of that? I think so, should we? No, but it's so easy to do that I think that we all just assume tomorrow will be here just like today was.

Micah has made a drastic change in our lives, sure some of them aren't the best, but we are making the most of what we have. We have God, our baby, a loving family, and loving and caring friends. We are truly blessed in so many ways, we all just need to focus on the good things and not the bad. We are pushing through the rough times and praying more and more. People say that when you have kids things change, they are so right on that. They say, oh you will never get to sleep anymore and you wont get to do this or that anymore. But what they don't tell you are all the wonderful things that you do get to do. You get to just sit and watch your baby grow and learn new things everyday. You get to see that first smile and that first laugh, which is the cutest thing to me. You might have to get up at all hours of the night to feed them, but when you do that, you have this bond that is so much stronger than anything else. I sit with Micah at night while feeding him and think to myself. What did I do to deserve such a beautiful blessing in my life? Then I thank God any chance I get for blessing us with him and the chance to raise a family in his ways and to get the chance to teach them what God has done for us and for Micah.