Hard To Admit

I don't know why but something is telling me to post a blog. I am not sure if it's because writing things out (my thoughts) helps me to feel better or what. Today more so than other days I have been thinking alot about how my relationship with God has been slowed almost to a point where I am no longer moving in the direction that I need to be. I am not really moving at all, I can sit here all day and make as many excuses as I want to say why I have let this happen. But the truth is, is that there is no excuse at all that is good enough to for me to blame on anyone else. With our little one here in our lives now I realize that I really do need to get myself back in order before I can start showing him how to live his life. I feel like I have stopped moving spiritually and I know that this is not a good thing.

For those of you who don't know I am in charge of Hopeland at our church. I love working with the kids at the church and love interacting with all of my volunteers. My volunteers are the best and they are always willing to be there even if it's last minute. But like I said before I think that I have stopped moving spiritually. I found that the busier Hopeland got the less I got to go to the actual services at the church. But I have also let myself down when I am not at the church. I have not held myself accountable with reading and studying God's word. I think this is why I am struggling wtih somethings in my life. Don't get me wrong, my life is great. I have a wonderful and loving husband, a handsome little son and a great family who loves me. Not to mention an amazing God who loves me no matter what I do wrong. But I think that is my problem, I take advantage of the whole he loves me no matter what I do. I think to myself sometimes, what do I do to deserve this wonderful love he gives me daily. Why am I not doing the things he wants me to do?

I know the answers to my questions, but for some reason it has taken me till today to realize that I need to get myself back on track. I have decided to step out of my lead position in Hopeland and focus on my family and my personal relationship with God. I think this is something that I really need to do to get myself back into the swing of things as some would say. I may need some help from my family and friends but I know that they will be there with all the support that I need. But most of all I just need to focus completely on God and all the wonderful things that he does for me. I praise him for the life that I have now and pray that he gives me the strength to get through this whole transition. I know that it will be hard to get myself moving forward again but I know that it will be worth it in the end.