Crazy Movements

So my first post....kind of nerve racking to think about people reading my thoughts. But hey, if one day it could help someone get through something I have been through then it will all be worth it. Just sitting here thinking to myself of all the moving I have done in my life. Not just physical moving, but also emotional and spiritual moving. Over the course of the past year and a half my life has done a complete 360. My husband and I weren't always followers of Christ, but that is one of the many movements we made in our lives. Am I am so glad that we did, because now we are very close to having a new addition to our family. And I know that deep down, had we of not made the move and decision to follow Christ that we would not have this little blessing on the way.

I grew up in church, my dad was a pastor of a little baptist church in Holmesville, OH. My grandfather was also a pastor. But anyways, I think everyone thinks just because you grow up going to church that it;s something that will always stay with you and that you will always stick to it. Well part of that statement is true....it does always stay with you, but you definitely don't always stick by the things you know are right. I gave my life to Christ at the age of 13 for the first time, I really felt alive in my faith. But I don't think at the time I fully understood what it meant to give my life to Christ, but I do know the feeling and there is nothing like it. I didn't know some of the things I know now. But that has only made me a stronger Christian. Not too long after that the church my dad was pastor at fell apart. Part of me wondered why this would happen and part of me was OK with it. I now realize why the church fell apart....there was no reaching going on in that small church, It consisted of mostly friends and family and no one new ever came....I think that God had other plans for the people of that church and for my family too.

But then I met someone who became so very special to me. Her name was Jennifer Lewis and she is the one of the many reasons I stuck with my faith through the next couple of years. I had known Jenni for many years and she was like a sister to me. Well when we were 14, she was diagnosed with brain cancer, but she wasn't about to let that stop her. She was the strongest girl I know and she never let her faith waiver in this time. She always kept telling me....everything is going to be OK, whether it was or not no one really knew. Shortly after her death, I was really confused why God would do such a thing. But I realized that God took Jenni out of my life so that I would open my life up to someone new. He always does what is best for us even if we don't think so at the time.

About three years after her death, I sat and talked with my new best friend, Brian. He made me realize that I had not let her go completely and that it was holding me back from things that I needed to be doing with my life. I always blamed myself for not getting to say good-bye when I had the chance. I never realized that I had done this until he sat me down and talked to me and really made me open my heart and soul to him and to God. That night, something in me changed and I realized that this was something I thought I had done years ago, but I really never did. I think sometimes we hold on to loved one because we think it will keep them here with us, when it does nothing but makes life harder for us. God takes and places people in and out of our lives for reasons we may never know. But we need to know that there is a reason and if you figure it out.....great and if you don't.....that's OK too.

Now we are expecting our first child and that is the scariest thing in the world to me right now. He keeps asking me if I am worried and I kind of brush it off a little and say not really but yeah. I am not worried if we will be good parents, because I know that God will see us through it and guide us to teach out children his ways. I can't sit here and act like I am not concerned with where we will get the things we need for this baby. But I do know that God has saw us through our life so far, so I know that he will not let us down and just decide to abandon us. Because he will never abandon us, the only one who can do the abandoning is us. And I definitely do not plan on doing that because I know without God in my life, I would not be where I am today in my marriage or my relationship with my family and with him. He has blessed me so much in my life and sometimes I think I forget to thank him for all he has done. I know that I don't deserve his grace and love but I am so very thankful that he offers it to me each and every day of my life and I tell him that anytime I can.

Just a little note here to finish what I am trying to say. Without making the move to except Christ into my life and my marriage, I would not be where I am today. I would not happy in my marriage and my life, I would not be expecting my first child with the man that I love. I would not even have a husband. God saved our marriage and I know that and I thank him for that everyday. Not to mention the fact that he has saved me from an eternal life in hell. Making even the smallest of moves in your life as long as they include God, will do amazing things for your life. I am not saying it will be easy, because I can tell you now, nothing in life is easy or just given to you. Just to know that someone loves you, even if you don't think you are capable of it, is one of the most comforting feelings I have ever felt. Just keep in mind that no matter what you do, whether you make a move or not, God loves you anyways and he always will.